Bloody Waste of Time
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Cub returns with his adoptive family to the Happy Tree Dome thirteen years after he was adopted.  Find out what has happened to Pop, which is probably going to shock you.  Some parts of the story may shock or offend some readers.  You have been warned.


**This is a one-shot where Cub returns to the Happy Tree Dome with his adoptive family, only to learn of what has happened to Pop. Enjoy.**

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><p>Bloody Waste of Time<p>

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><p>It has been thirteen years since I left the Happy Tree Dome. For the first few months of those thirteen years, I was looked after by the government. Finally, I was adopted by some lesbian couple from Massachusetts, and I spent the rest of my life there. I never died, but I <strong>was<strong> outside the Happy Tree Dome, so I guess that would not be a surprise to those who are reading this story. However, the only time I did get badly injured was when I broke my left leg while playing football with my friends. I spent a few hours in hospital and three weeks on crutches. It would take less time to heal from such an injury in the Happy Tree Dome, but at least the pain would be less severe.

My adoptive mothers have been providing me with the best family on offer since they adopted me. They never caused me any pain. I also got even more male influences on my life than I expected. I have an older brother who was conceived through IVF. I visited the extended family more often than I did when I was with Pop. My brother and I spend a lot of time with our grandfathers and uncles to the point we sometimes call them our dads. Unlike Pop, our uncles and granddads sure knew how to look after children. One of my uncles is a single father who conceived two sons through surrogacy, and he gave my cousins a childhood as good as the one I received from my mothers. This made me wonder why Pop could not provide me with a great childhood. But regardless, I don't care. I don't care what happens to that bastard. I could not thank child services enough from saving me from future trauma.

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><p>Shortly after my eighteenth birthday, I decided to go visit the Happy Tree Dome. My mums, brother and one of my granddads tagged along. When I arrived at the dome, I suddenly realised what a shithole this place was. A lot has changed since I left. I heard on the news a few weeks ago that Lifty and Shifty have been sentenced to life in jail for breaking into the Whitehouse, which obviously didn't surprise me. Flippy has been cured of his post-traumatic stress disorder and his evil side was destroyed in Texas, but he left the dome and settled in Seattle, Wastington. Nutty fled to Mexico when he became wanted for stealing candy. He died tragically of obesity. Cuddles, Giggles, Handy and Petunia moved to New York City. I met them on the way to the Happy Tree Dome. Cuddles and Giggles are married with two daughters, and Petunia and Handy are married with one son. I've noticed that Handy now has arms. It turned out that the only reason why Handy had no hands back in the Happy Tree Dome was because for some reason, every time he reincarnated, Lumpy or Splendid would accidentally chop them off, which is probably why he and Petunia left. Disco Bear moved to somewhere in Nevada to get a job as a prostitute, only to slit his wrists five years later because he never had a customer. Again, no surprises there. Splendid was tried by a federal court and sentenced to death for all the shit he put the citizens of the Happy Tree Dome through. His execution occurred in Virginia earlier that year. Lammy was brought to this insane asylum in Alaska for committing a series of murders and mentally believing that a pickle she used to carry around all the time was responsible. Flaky gradually became braver and last year she moved to Chicago, where she entered a civil union with another woman. Russell was called out to sea but he drowned out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.<p>

To wrap things up, so much has changed since I left. I passed by Toothy, who was in a black dress kneeling beside Splendid's grave, crying profusely. I sort of understood the pain the beaver was going through, but why did he have to wear a dress? Why couldn't he just wear a suit? I passed by Mime, the Mole and Cro-Marmot, who were lying on the ground in awkward positions, presumably as a result of drinking whiskey or other alcoholic shorts that would come in a wine glass. I made a mental note to never drink alcohol unless it can come in pint glasses, such as beer or cider, since they contain less alcohol and are therefore less likely to make me drunk. Occasionally, Mime, the Mole or Cro-Marmot would lift a head off the sidewalk, stick a hand out and beg for spare change. We felt sorry for them, but we did not want to reward them for being stupid and drinking substances which should be banned, so we went somewhere else. Sniffles has become a mad scientist. He fed Truffles a truffle, and Truffles grew to become the Incredible Pig, smashing everything in his path. That probably explained why everybody else left the Happy Tree Dome.

Everybody else except Lumpy and Pop. Naturally, they were the last two people I wanted to see. They were the main causes of my deaths in the course of those five years I lived in the Happy Tree Dome. Of course, Lumpy didn't change. He was still as brainless as ever. When he noticed my family and me, he began to follow us around until Grandpa told him to piss off. Lumpy responded by walking over to a dangerously low-lying electricity wire, where he urinated. He was electrocuted, so thank God we won't have to put with him for a while. I just wished I could kill him for everything he and Pop did to me though.

Speaking of Pop, I found him. This time he was fat. His robes were covered in shit. He was drunk off his ass. He tilted his head towards me and asked:

"C-Cub? Is that you?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. I've never felt this awkward since I moved to Boston, Massachusetts. Then Pop snarled at me.

"You abandoned me you little bastard!" he spat. "I thought you were my son! Because of you, I am nothing! I spent all that money hiring a surrogate mother to have you! I raised you! I fed you! I sheltered you! I educated you! I loved you! I GAVE YOU A FUCKING LIFE!"

I got angry. "Oh yeah, well you neglected me!" I snapped back. "Child Services wouldn't have taken me away if you were a better parent and you didn't kill me often!"

"Fuck you, you ungrateful little brat!" barked Pop. "Since you've been gone, I've had to have sex with Lumpy to fill the void!"

"Wait...you conceived me and reared me to be your **sex slave**?" I screamed.

"Yes," replied Pop, proudly, "yes I did!"

"Well now I'm even more grateful that Child Services took me away before you started doing those evil things to me!" I roared.

"Well guess what!" snarled Pop. "I don't need you anymore! I've got Lumpy as my bitch now!"

I responded by giving Pop the finger and leaving him behind. That trip was a bloody waste of time.

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><p>Later that day we arrived in San Francisco, where we were going to spend the next few nights. While we were watching the news, I discovered that Pop died of alcoholism outside the dome. The news reporters did not reveal why he left, but I decided he left because he wanted to chase after me and kill me. I hope Lumpy also dies of alcoholism outside the Happy Tree Dome when he reincarnates. Nevertheless, even though it is possible that I indirectly led to Pop's demise, that trip to the Happy Tree Dome was still <strong>a bloody waste of time<strong>.

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><p><strong>Sorry if it was a little too disturbing. But since I hate Pop so much, I felt the urge to write this story. Finally, Cub had a happy ending while Pop didn't. Pop is in Hell now.<strong>


End file.
